Someday a year ago, I got a call from my friend Ans asking me if I could help her friend with a short story. “The topic is- The man by the lake,” she said tensely. “You have to help,” she insisted, “It is for a friend and she said she can not think of anything to write!”
Firstly I could not see any logic in asking a student pursuing her MBA to write a short story. “What an oxymoron!” I thought.
Next, I was thinking out aloud, “What kind of a topic is this?!”
I still thought I should help and pen down a few words. For the next 30 minutes I was drowning myself in a weird array of thoughts. I did not realize that I was getting carried away by some strange wind of imagination. I pounded on the keyboard like it was an assignment with a deadline. When I thought I was sufficiently satisfied with the introduction, I re-read and realized this was a little too psychologically-inclined for an MBA grad. I raised my doubt with Ans and buzzed her online, “err… is it ok if it is a little…say… psychological sorts?”
“Relax with the heavy words. Jus send the draft of the intro across and we’ll tell you,” she said chirpily.
I sent it. It took them a while but she replied on the online chat. “:( no Vinaya. We can’t take this!”
Ans’ friend wrote that story on her own and passed the assignment (I presume).
I still feel bad about this story that hangs by its intro and is yet to be completed.
“It was the kind of evening I had dreaded since my return to my ancestral cottage at Wellington – chilly, dark and pregnant with the strong stench of death. I would have stayed back in the less dreary cottage if it was not for her promise. We had not met in a year and I was surprised to find a note awaiting me at the backdoor in the morning. It said “Wait by the lake”. No initial was needed. I could discern that handwriting in the darkest hour of the day. It was Alice.
Alice and I never loved each other. We could not look at each other and not feel a strange sense of hatred brimming over. We were never friends. But when I lost my family in a burn-out, the only person I cried to, was her. Alice knows my pains more than my own self and that is why I hate her. I hate her for knowing me so well. I hate to look at her when I am in pain, for when I do, I feel like my eyes had been yearning to tell her my darkest secrets all this while. It felt like the minute our eyes locked in contact, they would pour out to her what she needed to know.”
It still isnt Man by the lake... Its the Main in the cottage... No wonder they rejected your story... It is just started and you already going somewhere else with the story... Not what you expect from a copy editor... sad...
ReplyDeletehaha.. it is an intro.. was planning to build it up to tht point :) Thanks for reading!
ReplyDeleteI was feeling so lonely after reading that vinaya, But I guess you wer mistaken..
ReplyDeleteI understand you genuinely wanted to help hr , but never analysed wat the purpose was or what was the context. (though you wer literally close to it, practically u wer never anywhere in the proximity) A better title for your story would be “ ALICE BY THE WONDER LAKE”…. :P
I am not a good story teller but wat they required, I presume, is something like this..
MAN BY THE LAKE
Blum!!! … And another little pebble reached the underwater to rest in peace along with all his friends. Thomas, a man of 35 was sitting by the lake flooded with thousands of thoughts. Never before had he looked at his reflection with such despair. A post graduate from the country’s top B.School, this wasn’t what fate had to be in store for him. An IT firm, his very first venture, hadn’t the fortune to see the bright sunlight. They killed it even before it learned to walk. A man of immense determination can never give up so easily. So he proceeded with his next project ‘a textile shop’ in the city. 2yrs of hectic work and dreams and then what? the road rollers marched in only to take the land for the highway leaving him with a ‘compensation’. Not being sunk by these tragic turnarounds he moved on with a new Toy shop in another part of the city (hoping freedom from any projects of the government) but fate stretched its terrible hands in the form of fire. 2 more ventures and that was it. Finally last year the court proclaimed him bankrupt!!
He was panickly searching for a pebble to throw only to find little sand.He took a handful and crushed it. The sand oozed through his fingers on to his bare legs.
----- ok vinaya I am feeling bored and am going to finish it-----
Suddenly he noticed a small golden fish in the lake. A spark ignited his nearly dead spirit. He started wondering “ Why din’t I think about this before. Or is this yet another step for failure.. “ Again thousands of thoughts were flooding in his mind. but this time they had the color of hope……….
------- The story should end somewhat like this----
.. he started fishing and selling fish… it was the beginning of a journey from a sole proprietorship to a firm and to a leading company in the state and eventually in the country with exports soaring high .. he became an admirable business man who turned to be a living phoenix.
------------The end------------------
Your story was something a literature student would be wanting. And presumably this is wat a Business student would want (but not exactly this way, should be more realistic :) … I don’t have enuf time to perfect the details..:)…)...I know you can put this into better words.. and much more interestingly. Anyways better luck next time!!!!
paulocoehlo-ish, if u like him ;) i likey ;)
ReplyDeletefelt like an intro to some dark romantic mystery. maybe u should finish it up in a couple of hundred pages and see what happens.
ReplyDelete@ Nissy - "Blum!!! …" this word really got my attention into ur story.
i liked the first para..but the second one seemed to be a bit dragging..but good going gal.. :)
ReplyDelete