Of the hug that I never got

“He hugged her and cried, with the sweetest smile,” said Avinash, describing the man’s wilting health. On the hospital bed, he described the man’s searching eyes were as restless as a baby’s. This was when friends and family around him were heaving with fear, trying hard to smile, not giving away the frustration in their faces after months of tiring, uncertain nights.

The man is his grandfather, fondly known as bhaiji, and the girl - bhaiji’s grand daughter. When people have tales to tell about their grandparents, I feel quite lost. Do I have grand parents? - of course. Am I lucky that I have them? – I think so. Do I have memories I’d like to remember, with them? – this will take some time to dig into. Proud moments, happy moments, loved moments? – still thinking…

Without touching my maternal side, describing the grand parents who were physically close to me – they never quite considered me to be part of the kin. An outspoken, back-answering wench, who never got the point. Most astonishingly, a girl who never got the bigger point that “Men will always be up in the sky, when women are grounded on Earth for life.”
“No,” she’d say. “Which century are these thoughts from? Women are just as high ‘up in the sky’ as men. Why the difference?”
She could never understand the biggest truth of life. Such a difficult child. And a girl child at that.

They abandoned all hopes of making anything out of this girl. Happy with the other grandchildren and their adherence to the golden rule, the girl was more of an outcast. I remember being left with nothing to contribute when friends sat in a circle during lunch breaks, discussing their happiness at having grandparents over during weekends. In my desperation, in the 6th grade I studied all night just to take a good report card back to appuppa. To see some pride in his face. All he said was, “3rd rank? Try to top the next time.”

Nope. It evidently didn’t work.

I don’t think I have hugged appuppa ever. But I yearned to be loved by him. I wanted him to think highly of me, knowing very well that he wouldn’t. Despite that, I still love him.